J: I’m awash with this great sadness again. Probably listening to too much Icelandic music. And facing the reality that I will be alone and lonely for the most part of my life!
P: What do you mean alone? That you cannot have a significant other?
J: No, not that. Even when I have my “other” I’m still this way. Alone in the existential sense. Ano pa nga ba. Everybody dies alone nga, diba? And everywhere I go, I feel this way. Here in the Philippines, I have many friends, but I’m still like this. I guess it’s an incurable disease I have to live with forever.
P:Yeah, it’s an existential issue. Walk through this absurd life with pride, ika nga ni par excellence Albert Camus. Maybe when you leave for a foreign land you’ll ironically feel at one with the world…
J: Maybe I’m really meant for the world! And the world is for me! Maybe it is my other. I always feel alive whenever I’m in a foreign land. The remoteness and the newness of everything fuels my life. Maybe that’s why I like the unheard, the obscure, the rare. Familiarity breeds comfort, but with the unfamiliar, I am home. Random mindfuck like these rule.
P: Sounds like you have a plan to me!
(Contrary to what you may think, I am not talking to myself. Although that’s a thread shy of the entire existential introspection experience.)
Categories: Adventure · Home · Mindfuck
Tagged: conversation, existentialism, postcard
My work blog, lelelulu seems too impersonal for livejournal-style entries, so I’m going back to my lalijamboree blog for now. (Yeah, confusing, but nobody’s a steadfast follower, so it doesn’t matter.) And I’m on leave from design work for about two months, so that would mean the other blog would be on hiatus as well. If anybody would care to ask, I’m just spending a lot of time thinking and discovering the way a mid-priced art brush sways on thick paper when dipped in inky watercolor. It’s a therapeutic activity akin to an art rehab (if such a thing exists, which I think, is likely.) As much as I would like to keep things light post-flood, I would now talk about epiphanies.
EPIPHANIES!
Not in the Jesus Christ sense of the word, of course, but in Wikipedia terms, “the sudden realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something.”
Not that I’ve comprehended and realized a lot of things myself. It’s more about the associations of random things, like walking around the army gymnasium with Joy Division’s “Dead Souls” piped in the iPod made me think of army goth fashion. Is there such a thing? My limited google-ing doesn’t reveal anything. However, I remember a specific scene in Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams:
Keep reading →
Categories: Mindfuck · Vacation
Got this from busmate Angel, living her Sweden/Euroculture dreams.
Make your own here.
+++
while my mind is heavy as a boulder, stuck deep under river currents,
my heart is as light as a feather, floating faraway where the mind could never imagine it to be.
Categories: Uncategorized
Ticking off the days until I visit Bangkok… I have started reading on the touristy places to chance upon, but I still have a vague itinerary on my mind. If my BKK companion would only allow, I’d like to backpack in the city (and Thailand in general) unmindful of any hotel reservations only because there are hostels around to lug my ass for some slumber, which I assume will be short because I will spend most of the time walking and taking snapshots. I want to get lost in the country–even just for four days. I don’t care if I have had already crossed the border to Cambodia. Haha…
I want a Southeast Asian trip soon, who wants to join??? 
) Let’s slate the date around June. Then probably climb a mountain (not necessarily Kota Kinabalu, but that’s also an option), and meet some Europeans along the way. Then, we’ll go back to our home country and go straight to Sagada for the yogurt. Yes, just yogurt! 
Haha. Or maybe if the weather permits, Batanes (but I doubt that would happen in June; April would be a better month for the Ivatan immersion)
Oh, and then I’ll visit Ivy in that semi-provincial city in Indonesia. I’d like to meet her students! I remember her telling me how the kids had socks with holes and dirty-looking faces but (according to her) had immeasurable money. Then we’ll hit the beach. I wonder if the beaches there have gray sand. I don’t like gray sand very much.
Asia is my target before September begins. After September, let’s all guess where!!!
Categories: Mindfuck · Vacation · travel
